1. From a banking resume:
 
". . . and I enjoy tasting beers from around the world!"

Hopefully not too many before lunch.

2. From a management resume:
 
"I supervise employees with my iron fist!"

Unfortunately the stormtroopers were not hiring.

3. From an administrative assistant:
 
"I always dress modestly, and never wear skirts too high above the knee, unless it's very warm."

Kinda makes you wonder how high and how hot.

4. From a general CV to college recruiters:

"College grade point average of 2.6 (would have been higher if I didn't party so much)."

Bet this person knows how to open a keg of beer.

5. From a service sector resume:
 
"At this company I worked for a crazy boss with a bad attitude . . ."

What's unusual about that?

6. From an office manager:

"Good people skills, except when people get on my nerves."

Which is hardly ever, no more often than once every fifteen minutes.

7. From a salesperson:
 
"Sales declined 12% in my territory, but the territory was going downhill, and it would have been a lot worse without me."

Perfect candidate for a "sinking ship" company.

8. From a business consulting resume:
 
"Excellent at bluffing when I don't know what I am doing . . ."

And a pillar of integrity too.

9. From an administrative assistant:

"I have a very nurturing, mothering side to me, and often bring freshly-baked goodies to the office. You will get fat after you hire me!"

A promise every boss wants to hear.

10. From a middle manager:
 
"I know how to manipulate employees and exploit them."